Champagne by Ben Hayward

“How about Champagne?”
“No, love.”
“Cherrie, Disaronno?”
She slowly rubbed the bump in her stomach, jumping as she took a swig from her glass.
“Oh, I felt her kick, she must have liked that one.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, it’s a sign, what’s this called?”
“Gin love.”
“What like those lamp things?”
“No, the drink, G – I – N”
“Isn’t she in Harry Potter?”
“What?”
“Yeah, she’s that ginger bitch who can’t act, I’m not naming my kid after her.”
“Excuse me?”
“Oh this one gave me another kick, what’s this called?”
“Lambrini.”
“Ooh that’s fancy like one of them pretty cars, I like that one.”
“Are you saying that our daughter is a car?”
“No, of course not, I was just saying that it’s cute.”
“Well we don’t know whether it’s a boy or a girl yet do we.”
“Yeah but I’ve already got the boy’s name done.”
“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”
“Braxton Hicks, I heard it somewhere recently. It sounds pretty refined.”