Volcanic Splash were the new hot ‘thing’, the band everyone and their mothers were listening to. The radio stations never seemed to play anything else, though perhaps I was just exceedingly unlucky. Ever since their appearance on Britain’s Got Talent, their faces were everywhere. Photo shoots, interviews, tv appearances, and even (weirdly) an advert for strawberry-flavoured condoms.
The five band members were, by boy band standards, extremely attractive. Like, seriously smoking. And their voices sounded ‘like angels had fallen out of heaven’, to quote a rather tearful Amanda Holden.
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have minded. I’m kind of partial to boy bands, even if they’re nestled on my iTunes playlist amongst Slipknot and Black Stone Cherry.
But Volcanic Splash, well…
Every single one of them had been in my pants.
I don’t know what possessed my five ex-boyfriends to form a boy band, or how they even met. Was there an ‘Erin’s Exes Anonymous’ I didn’t know about?
Damn it, why did I have to fall for boys with smoky, sultry, sexy voices?
It didn’t help that the song that had rocketed them to fame was, you guessed it, all about me. Worse, it was catchy.
I’m expecting the press to figure out my identity any day now, and then things will really kick off.
Fml.
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