Nerdy by James D. Irwin

Alvin settled on legal action. It was the only way for them to take his application seriously.

Alvin considered himself a bad-ass motherfucker, and didn't see why the LOBAM (League of Bad-Ass Motherfuckers) kept denying him membership. Alvin thought he was just as cool as some of the League's best known members, such as John McClane, Samuel L. Jackson, and three James Bonds.

As a young boy Alvin had seen his parents murdered by street punks. He then joined the unsuspecting gang, learnt their fighting secrets, and used the skills he learnt to brutally avenge the death of his parents. He was also a cop, whilst hating authority. He regularly traded tense insults with the older, more traditional Police Chief. He always wore sunglasses, whether it was sunny or not. He chain smoked, dressed in battered leather jackets, and held all the vaguely misogynistic views required by the LOBAM charter. He treated guns like toys, and women like... also toys. He was a casual alcoholic, a mean card player, and the driver of a 1973 Plymouth Fury.

Once LOBAM heard Alvin was considering legal action against them, they decided to give him a chance to apply in person. Alvin was excited. He thought he'd really nailed it this time, and even had a new catchphrase--- go fuck yourself, hombre!

Alvin presented his case to the senior members of the League. He outlined his case via powerpoint presentation. After he was finished he looked eagerly at LOBAM's President, Batman.

'Application denied' said Batman.

'B...but why?' asked Alvin.

'You're too much of a nerd.'

'Too much of a nerd?' Alvin couldn't believe what he was hearing.

'You gave a powerpoint presentation. Like a nerd would' said Batman.

Alvin was heartbroken. He started to cry.

Batman murmured how very bad-ass, motherfucker but he was being sarcastic.