Jamie's Got a Gun by Nick Trussler

Jamie’s got a gun. Well, not really. More a metaphorical gun. A metaphorical gun pointed at the bookseller. He also has a knife except that this knife is actually a knife, and at this very moment it is pointed at the bookseller’s throat.

‘Now, I’ll ask again, I want a book with no pages.’

The bookseller stared wide eyed into the simple and plain face of Jamie.

‘But, Sir, I told you all our books have pa-’ the blade was pressed tighter against the bookseller’s throat, causing a tiny trickle of blood to swim on the edge of the blade.

Jamie started to twitch, his left eye opening and shutting with surprising speed.

‘No paper, no paper…’ he started muttering.

The bookseller’s eyes started to roll in the back of his head and then, from the corner of his eye, he spotted the solution to his problems.

‘Sir, sir – I think I have it!’ he cried, stretching slightly to his left to pick the object up.

‘A Kindle! You see, no paper!’ he cried and he gave the Kindle over to Jamie with shaking hands.

Jamie looked down at it for a second and then quickly withdrew the knife from the bookseller’s throat.

‘Excellent, excellent!’ he cried, and began to shake the bookseller warmly by the hand. ‘You see,’ he said, pointing the knife excitedly at the bookseller as he talked, flicking specks of blood all over the bookseller’s nice, clean counter, ‘ the customer is always right.’

He began to walk away before quickly coming back. ‘Oh, where are my manners?’ he said, and took out a crisp £20 note from his wallet. ‘Will this suffice for our transaction, my good shopkeeper?’

The bookseller nodded vigorously, ‘Oh yes sir, absolutely sir.’

‘Capital! Capital,’ Jamie said and then added, ‘incidentally, this knife – it was always more of a metaphorical knife you know…you do know, don’t you?’

The bookseller nodded.

‘Knew you would! Knew you would…’ Jamie muttered, and with a wave of his hand and a fond, ‘Cheerio!’ he exited the bookstore.