“This is your doing!!!” Ellen screamed at Lila, as she walked through the shop door. Lila couldn’t help but laugh at the state of her friend. She was pale and had her left hand pressed against her aching head, her shirt was inside out and her hair was lying limp and lifeless against her cheeks.
“I didn’t force it down your neck babe,” Lila said in her defence, “you were the one asking for more.”
“Errrrr,” Ellen moaned sinking down so her entire top half was lying on the counter. “They should not give a drunk person that much alcohol.”
“Erm yeah,” Lila said nervously “Have you seen Max today?”
“No why?” Ellen moaned into the counter.
“Well,” Lila shuffled across the shop and leant on the counter in front of her friend. “You may have confessed undying love for him last night and told him his girlfriend had fat thighs.”
Ellen’s body tensed as this information sunk in.
“Oh god no.”
“Buuuuut,” Lila said smiling from ear to ear, “last week he found out his girlfriend had been cheating on him so they’ve split up.”
Ellen’s head shot up and her vision went all blurry.
“He loved your thighs comment, you spent all night chatting and he wrote his number on your hand, see...” She pointed at Ellen’s fingers and she noticed she did indeed have a number on her hand.
“Now, you wouldn’t have even dreamed of doing what you did last night if you were sober would you?” Lila said giggling.
Ellen suddenly leant down and grabbed her water bottle from under the counter and held it above her head.
“To Champagn!!” She cried.
“Hell yeah!” Ellen replied and they knocked their water bottles together.
Showing posts with label Kim Warren. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kim Warren. Show all posts
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Friday, 4 May 2012
Luna Landscape by Kim Warren
Being born on Neptune was a complete accident on my part. Well I guess most babies can’t help where they were born, but I stick to my guns when I say that mine was genuinely not planned at all. However, my parents saw it differently and have been punishing me pretty much since that day for being born on a lower class planet; apparently it was frowned on at the club. In fact, they were so embarrassed by my place of birth choice that for the first six months of my life they told everyone I had been born on a shuttle craft, which is unheard of. But of course this was swallowed completely by their idiot friends on Mercury, that is until I turned one and they could no longer hide it. My palms were the first to turn, my arms and chest followed and before my parents could do anything about it, I was blue. A blue baby, what a shameful disgrace, especially seems Carol had just given birth to the most beautiful purple baby. Venus was a popular birth choice for expecting mothers. So, to hide me during my shameful childhood they took me to the most deserted place they could find. The moon orbiting earth, and that’s where I stayed for 18 years until finally adulthood struck and I turn bright silver. Oh how they envy me now. So if I have any advice for you all, don’t follow the trend and have a baby on Neptune.
Thursday, 3 May 2012
Fireside by Kim Warren
The fire was lit and a blanket had been placed by the fireside, with a picnic basket and two glasses of wine on top. Gentle, soothing music was floating through the house, the kids were at their aunts and the dog was locked in the back room. Everything was ready and waiting for her arrival. She would be leaving work soon and then the most romantic birthday of her life would begin. He had planned everything perfectly.
The door was closed and jammed with a chair so no one could disturb them. Moaning and heavy breathing was coming from within the manager’s office, were the contents of the desk was all over the floor and the wife of a loving husband was earning her promotion in the easiest way she could think of. She had never been one for hard work.
The door was closed and jammed with a chair so no one could disturb them. Moaning and heavy breathing was coming from within the manager’s office, were the contents of the desk was all over the floor and the wife of a loving husband was earning her promotion in the easiest way she could think of. She had never been one for hard work.
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Velvet Ribbon by Kim Warren
“I hope you’re happy.”
“Happy? Did you just ask me if I was happy? We couldn’t be in worse situation if we tried.”
“Well it was your stupid idea.”
“We would have been fine if you could read a bloody map.”
“I didn’t even want to come here. If you had listened to me, we would be lying on a beach right now.”
“Oh bite me, we went to Spain last year.”
“And nothing bad happened did it?”
“I just thought it would be nice to go somewhere new, ok?”
“And look where it’s got us, nice job Columbus.”
“Oh shut up, let’s just concentrate on getting out of this.”
“Fine, I just hope that bloody Ribbon doesn’t break.”
“Happy? Did you just ask me if I was happy? We couldn’t be in worse situation if we tried.”
“Well it was your stupid idea.”
“We would have been fine if you could read a bloody map.”
“I didn’t even want to come here. If you had listened to me, we would be lying on a beach right now.”
“Oh bite me, we went to Spain last year.”
“And nothing bad happened did it?”
“I just thought it would be nice to go somewhere new, ok?”
“And look where it’s got us, nice job Columbus.”
“Oh shut up, let’s just concentrate on getting out of this.”
“Fine, I just hope that bloody Ribbon doesn’t break.”
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
High Society by Kim Warren
“Alright alright, I personally believe that green and orange go well together but whatever.”
Jed flicked his hair over his shoulder and flounced back into the changing room, leaving Mark massaging his temporal lobe.
“I still don’t see why I have to go to this stupid thing anyway,” Jed’s high pitched voiced projected over the rail of the curtain, causing Mark’s headache to increase.
“Because it’s my rehearsal dinner and I want my brother there, even if he does look like a bubble gum explosion most of the time.”
“I’ll have you know,” Jed announced reappearing in the room, “I wear nothing but designer.” He turned on the spot, examining the suit in the mirror. “Now you can’t complain at this.” He turned to face Mark, who was sitting with his eyebrows raised.
“Jed.... you cannot go in a pure white suite.”
“Why?” He whined, stamping his foot like a three year old.
“Because I said so, now go and put on the suit I picked for you.”
Sticking his nose in the air, Jed stumped back into the changing room and pulled the curtain shut.
“You’ve changed you know, ever since you met that girl. You’ve gone all posh and presentable. You never used to care about how you looked, or how I looked for that matter.” Mark let out a sigh.
“It’s not her, it’s her family. They’re very upper class and I don’t want to start this marriage with them thinking we aren’t good enough. We can prove that to them after the wedding.”
“Marcus Anthony Yates,” Jed screamed flying out from behind the curtain, this time only wearing his boxers. “Don’t you dare think you are not good enough for this girl, she is lucky to have such a loving devoted man in her life and I’ll tell you this now! Tomorrow night we are going to show them just how upper class we can be, then they’ll be wondering if they are good enough for us” He then turned to present the room with the giant hole that was ripped into the back of his underwear and strutted back into the cubical.
* * *
The room was abuzz with excitement and pleasant chatter as the two families were finally introduced after two years of their children dating.
“Mark darling,” Susan’s mother called across the room. “Your parents are a delight,” she beamed at him as he moved to stand next to his father. “Why on earth have we not been introduced before?”
“Yes Mark, why has it taken until the day before your wedding?” his mother asked with a touch of ice in her voice. She had been bugging him to meet the Rickwoods since he first brought Susan home to meet them.
“Well,” he laughed, “I thought this way there is no time for anything to go wrong.” His audience laughed politely while Mark took a swig from his glass and gave the room a nervous glance. Still no sign of Jed, he wasn’t sure whether this was a good thing or not. He had promised to buy a proper suit when Mark left the shop to get back to work but his brother wasn’t famous for sticking to his word. Mark felt himself start to sweat a little at the thought of Jed turning up in parachute pants and a vest, he had a feeling his future in-laws would call off the wedding there and then.
“Hi everyone, sorry we’re late,” Mark swung around at the sound of his brothers voice and felt his draw drop. Jed was standing before him wearing none other than a tux, complete with bow tie and had a very pretty blonde girl, wearing a full length ball gown, holding his arm. Now the several months that Jed had spent living in his big brothers spare room after the coming out conversation had taken place with their parents, made Mark question the purpose of the women standing before him. However he was unable to bring this query into the world as the appearance of Jed looking like a proper English gentleman had left him speechless.
“Jed,” his mother managed to squeak. “You’re looking very, “she paused, “handsome.”
“Well thank you very much mother,” Jed answered in a voice that was most defiantly not his own, “and might I say you are looking simply lovely this evening.” He leant forward and kissed his mother’s hand, while she eyed him suspiciously. Luckily for everyone involved, Mr and Mrs Rickwood seemed oblivious to the shock that surrounded them and looked at Jed with expressions of delight.
“And you must be Susan’s mother,” Jed suddenly announced swooping down to kiss her hand as well, while she giggled like a school girl. “Only you could have passed down such beauty to Susan.” Mrs Rickwood blushed, deep scarlet, as Jed shook her husband’s hand.
“Oh, and of course may I present to you all, the lovely Miss Elle Gold,” Elle Gold glided forward to take Jed’s hand and actually curtsied to her audience.
“It is so nice to finally meet you all,” she sang, putting on display a set of perfect teeth. “My fiancé has told me all about you...” Mark could stand it no more.
“JED,” he barked at his brother, “may I have a word.”
“Pray, excuse me.” He bowed to the Rickwoods and strutted past Mark towards the bar. Mark waited only until they were out of ear shot before exploding.
“What are you up to? He snapped, gripping his brother’s arm.
“I’m making an upper class impression,” he scoffed, turning his nose up.
“Stop that,” Mark snarled, “you are deliberately taking the mick out of them, to their faces. You promised to behave.”
“I think I am behaving more than adequately, you said this event was upper class and I am conforming to that theme, as I shall do tomorrow for the theme of the wedding. Now if you can excuse me, my fake fiancé is in need of a drink.” He strutted off back towards where their parents still stood in shock, leaving Mark in a state of panic as he remembered that the wedding theme, was Hollywood.
Jed flicked his hair over his shoulder and flounced back into the changing room, leaving Mark massaging his temporal lobe.
“I still don’t see why I have to go to this stupid thing anyway,” Jed’s high pitched voiced projected over the rail of the curtain, causing Mark’s headache to increase.
“Because it’s my rehearsal dinner and I want my brother there, even if he does look like a bubble gum explosion most of the time.”
“I’ll have you know,” Jed announced reappearing in the room, “I wear nothing but designer.” He turned on the spot, examining the suit in the mirror. “Now you can’t complain at this.” He turned to face Mark, who was sitting with his eyebrows raised.
“Jed.... you cannot go in a pure white suite.”
“Why?” He whined, stamping his foot like a three year old.
“Because I said so, now go and put on the suit I picked for you.”
Sticking his nose in the air, Jed stumped back into the changing room and pulled the curtain shut.
“You’ve changed you know, ever since you met that girl. You’ve gone all posh and presentable. You never used to care about how you looked, or how I looked for that matter.” Mark let out a sigh.
“It’s not her, it’s her family. They’re very upper class and I don’t want to start this marriage with them thinking we aren’t good enough. We can prove that to them after the wedding.”
“Marcus Anthony Yates,” Jed screamed flying out from behind the curtain, this time only wearing his boxers. “Don’t you dare think you are not good enough for this girl, she is lucky to have such a loving devoted man in her life and I’ll tell you this now! Tomorrow night we are going to show them just how upper class we can be, then they’ll be wondering if they are good enough for us” He then turned to present the room with the giant hole that was ripped into the back of his underwear and strutted back into the cubical.
* * *
The room was abuzz with excitement and pleasant chatter as the two families were finally introduced after two years of their children dating.
“Mark darling,” Susan’s mother called across the room. “Your parents are a delight,” she beamed at him as he moved to stand next to his father. “Why on earth have we not been introduced before?”
“Yes Mark, why has it taken until the day before your wedding?” his mother asked with a touch of ice in her voice. She had been bugging him to meet the Rickwoods since he first brought Susan home to meet them.
“Well,” he laughed, “I thought this way there is no time for anything to go wrong.” His audience laughed politely while Mark took a swig from his glass and gave the room a nervous glance. Still no sign of Jed, he wasn’t sure whether this was a good thing or not. He had promised to buy a proper suit when Mark left the shop to get back to work but his brother wasn’t famous for sticking to his word. Mark felt himself start to sweat a little at the thought of Jed turning up in parachute pants and a vest, he had a feeling his future in-laws would call off the wedding there and then.
“Hi everyone, sorry we’re late,” Mark swung around at the sound of his brothers voice and felt his draw drop. Jed was standing before him wearing none other than a tux, complete with bow tie and had a very pretty blonde girl, wearing a full length ball gown, holding his arm. Now the several months that Jed had spent living in his big brothers spare room after the coming out conversation had taken place with their parents, made Mark question the purpose of the women standing before him. However he was unable to bring this query into the world as the appearance of Jed looking like a proper English gentleman had left him speechless.
“Jed,” his mother managed to squeak. “You’re looking very, “she paused, “handsome.”
“Well thank you very much mother,” Jed answered in a voice that was most defiantly not his own, “and might I say you are looking simply lovely this evening.” He leant forward and kissed his mother’s hand, while she eyed him suspiciously. Luckily for everyone involved, Mr and Mrs Rickwood seemed oblivious to the shock that surrounded them and looked at Jed with expressions of delight.
“And you must be Susan’s mother,” Jed suddenly announced swooping down to kiss her hand as well, while she giggled like a school girl. “Only you could have passed down such beauty to Susan.” Mrs Rickwood blushed, deep scarlet, as Jed shook her husband’s hand.
“Oh, and of course may I present to you all, the lovely Miss Elle Gold,” Elle Gold glided forward to take Jed’s hand and actually curtsied to her audience.
“It is so nice to finally meet you all,” she sang, putting on display a set of perfect teeth. “My fiancé has told me all about you...” Mark could stand it no more.
“JED,” he barked at his brother, “may I have a word.”
“Pray, excuse me.” He bowed to the Rickwoods and strutted past Mark towards the bar. Mark waited only until they were out of ear shot before exploding.
“What are you up to? He snapped, gripping his brother’s arm.
“I’m making an upper class impression,” he scoffed, turning his nose up.
“Stop that,” Mark snarled, “you are deliberately taking the mick out of them, to their faces. You promised to behave.”
“I think I am behaving more than adequately, you said this event was upper class and I am conforming to that theme, as I shall do tomorrow for the theme of the wedding. Now if you can excuse me, my fake fiancé is in need of a drink.” He strutted off back towards where their parents still stood in shock, leaving Mark in a state of panic as he remembered that the wedding theme, was Hollywood.
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