Gravity by Carolyn Glass

I had never really thought about gravity, well you don’t do you? It’s just there, we’ve never known any different, it’s not something we’re short of on planet earth. When it gradually started to disappear, we didn’t really appreciate what was happening. It was a long time before scientists let us know what was going on; we actually scoffed at the idea, like we had global warming centuries earlier. They don’t really know why it is happening, but we better hope they find out soon, before we all start floating away. It sounds silly but how will the earth work without gravity? What will small animals do? I’m sure some people will have endless fun with it, imagine being able to jump over your house, and there’s bound to be some way for criminals to exploit it. Not much of a legacy for future generations, our parents left us global warming and extreme weather; we’re going to leave no gravity. Perhaps it’s time to evacuate while there is still a population to evacuate.

Memento by Carolyn Glass

It was another one. Just the same as always, abducted, restrained, left to die somewhere and later dumped. But we were sure he would make a mistake soon. The intervals got shorter, the dump sites more public, we were trying to find a link between the victims, or the place he was holding them, but zilch.

As usual it was overconfidence that got him caught. He always took a souvenir, the ring finger of the left hand, complete with rings. All the victims’ families agreed there was at least one ring taken.

A very shaken jeweller tipped us off, he had been offered a ring, and he rang the secret alarm under the counter which got us there in minutes. He said he would not have realised the significance, had he not noticed the guy wresting it from a finger which he then placed back in his pocket.

Seven by Carolyn Glass

Having made sampling the seven deadly sins my bucket list, I should have thought about the order more carefully. I think I’ve just about covered gluttony and sloth, trouble is weighing in at 32 stone and being housebound will seriously impede my chances of completing the other 5.

Stoker by Carolyn Glass

I never realised what a dirty job it was. I had always wanted to ride in a steam train, not in the carriages you understand, up front with the driver, wind in my hair type of scenario. So when a mate said his dad could get me a ride on the local Steam Railway, I was mega excited. I was told I needed overalls and sturdy boots, but that was fine, I was fulfilling a long held ambition. So I pitched up on Sunday morning, all smiles and reported to the driver, he thrust a shovel in my hand and said, the coals their (and pointed at a truck behind the engine) get shovelling. I didn’t see a thing the whole trip, I was shovelling the whole time with my head down, I was glad to get off at the end of the journey, I was completely knackered, and black from head to foot! They wouldn’t even let me get in a carriage for the return journey, “how do you think we can make the return journey without a stoker?” They laughed. I’ll bet the last guy is in prison for bashing the drivers head in with a shovel!

Friends with Kids by Carolyn Glass

I never realised how much I hated kids, not kids in general, I mean the ones I’m forced to spend time with, because their parents are my friends.

It wasn’t too bad at the start, new babies are pretty quiet, and you can take them to parties and just leave them in the bedroom and check on them now and then.

Then when they get a bit bigger, you can’t really do that anymore, so you end up having to go to places that are “child friendly” or even worse, having to go to their homes because it’s awkward for them to go out because they can’t get a babysitter.

I mean let’s be honest, child friendly just means no place for normal people, and homes with small children or babies are no place for normal people either.

Today was the final straw, I was asked to hold a screaming infant (who needed a nappy change) while his parent sorted out the demented toddler who had just been refused more chocolate. As soon as I got home, I founded a new site on the internet; No parents allowed; a meeting place for sane individuals to seek sanctuary from friends with kids. I’m sure it will be a hit.

Hereafter by Carolyn Glass

From now on; after this; eventually; henceforth; in the course of time; in the future; ultimately; at the end of the day; in the long run; someday; sometime; sooner or later; when all is said and done. It doesn’t matter which way you say it, the bottom line is it’s your responsibility to empty the dishwasher, so stop prevaricating and get on with it.

Clash of the Titans by Carolyn Glass

There had never been an Oscars ceremony like it, Batman punching Thor on the red carpet, being egged on by Robin and the Avengers. All because Batman caught Thor chatting up Catwoman, I don’t think either of them will be getting an award tonight. 

In Time by Carolyn Glass

It will get easier they said, you’ll get on with your life, it will be ok eventually. Time is a great healer. Maybe it’s true, but I can’t see it, how does one recover from something like this? My political career was just reaching its peak, then that bloody sex tape hit the internet. I’m pretty sure that’s the end of the line for my aspirations.

The Lives of Others by Carolyn Glass

It started as a game in the pub, people watching. We would give people names and histories, we never spoke to them, and it would have ruined it if we knew anything about them. We sat in our own little bubble, interacting only when we went to the bar.

I don’t know why I started to find it unsatisfactory, I pretended to enjoy it still, but was more and more driven to find out the truth about these people and their real lives.

I started by listening in to their conversations, Sarah soon got fed up with me not listening to her so I went to the pub on my own. I still didn’t want to speak to them, just wanted to know their names, and work out their relationships to each other.

Soon that wasn’t enough, I was following people, finding out there they lived and worked, seeing them socialising in other places, seeing them with their children. Nothing creepy about it I was just interested; everyone seemed to have much more interesting lives than me. It was a bit like when you’re in the supermarket and the person in front of you has more nicer things on the conveyor, or when you’re eating out and the food delivered to the adjoining table looks better than yours.

I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that I wanted to try someone else’s life, just for a short while, just to see what it was like. I decided to keep a low profile; it wouldn’t do to draw attention to myself. It might spoil my plans.

When it came down to it, it wasn’t like I imagined at all, it would have been alright but everyone seemed so resistant to the idea, I couldn’t see why they found the idea so repellent, where was the harm? They shouldn’t have been so abusive; I was forced to subdue them, which made trying out their lives pretty difficult. Perhaps I’ll have better luck with the next selection. This one hasn’t worked out at all well, at least no-one saw me arrive at the house, and the family will never identify me, actually, it may be difficult for anyone to identify them now, since the fire.

Easy A by Carolyn Glass

I have worked so hard for this moment; in the envelope is the result, the culmination of the effort of 13 years of formal education. If it is not what I hope for all will be lost. I open the envelope carefully, slowly, wanting to know but afraid of finding out, I unfold the sheet, and there it is, my passport to my dream course, triple A. Easy.

The Lion King by Carolyn Glass

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight? Tosh! Everyone knows lions don’t live in jungles!

Watchmen by Carolyn Glass

Horologists are surely close to extinction? Plumbers are still needed; mechanics are still needed; computer programmers are still needed; but horologists? Watches are a throwaway item for all but the super rich. Machine tooled in the main, I really can’t see why you want to waste time learning how to fix watches in this day and age. Learn to do something useful!

The Rum Diary by Carolyn Glass

I modelled myself on Bridget Jones; it seemed such a good idea at the time, having a blog, it would encourage me to write every day. My life was so boring; it was a nice hobby, harmless. The trouble was, my love life was non-existent, I’d never smoked or taken drugs and was completely teetotal. So I decided to embellish a little. It was a little harmless fantasy, it was for me, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to take an interest in my blog. It was anonymous, so where was the harm?

I was pretty surprised even a little excited when a magazine editor, mentioned it in her editorial. I was flattered that she had been amused by my small efforts. I never gave a thought to what would happen next.

Once she had mentioned my blog, a lot of people started to take a look, it was a few weeks before I realised there was anything wrong. One Friday I witnessed a huge argument going on as I left the office, I knew the guy slightly and I assumed the girl was his wife or girlfriend. It looked like a pretty big argument.

The next Monday, security escorted a number of people from the building, no-one would talk about why, but they were all from the planning office, two floors above mine.

The penny finally dropped when I was called into the office of the managing director, and questioned about whether I had ever been subject of unwanted sexual advances from my line manager. I fervently denied that poor old Mr Jones had ever done anything inappropriate and couldn’t wait to get out. I feigned illness and went home early.

I went back over my blog, there it was, I had claimed an affair with the guy I had seen arguing with his wife/girlfriend; I claimed I had snorted coke with guys from the planning department; I claimed Mr Jones was a terrible letch who made unwanted advances to the female juniors in his department. How could I have been so naïve? I should have made sure the names were completely changed; I really didn’t expect anyone to spot links between the names in my blog and people they worked with. Obviously people weren’t as dumb as I gave them credit for. As long as they didn’t work out my name I would probably be alright, how could they track me down, it was all anonymous, I just needed to keep my nerve and abandon the blog or do one final one saying it was all fantasy. I’d sleep on it and it would all blow over.

I was awakened by a loud bang and shouts of “armed police” Oh dear, they must have found the post about my mythical terrorist boyfriend who was planning a suicide mission.

Leaving Las Vegas by Carolyn Glass

It was the holiday of a lifetime. Los Angeles, to start, we did all the touristy stuff, A Lakers game, Venice beach, a shopping spree on Rodeo Drive, a walk down the Hollywood Walk of fame, picking out our favourite stars.

Then we moved on to the Grand Canyon. It was all we had been promised, we spent three nights under canvas, and spent the days horse riding through the canyon. We tried our hand at white water rafting, but the most exhilarating part was the helicopter tour, it was a real buzz made you realise how small and insignificant you really are.

The final part of the holiday was a cruise around the Hawaiian Islands, starting from San Diego, which left us with a few days to chill, that’s when we thought of Vegas. It was pretty much on our route to San Diego anyway, we might never be this close again, why not?

We found rooms in the Bellagio, and went out on the strip to soak up the atmosphere. We planned to visit as many of the famous hotels as possible and maybe take in one of the shows. We never really thought about gambling, it wasn’t something we had ever done, apart from the odd lottery ticket (with very little to show for it) but if you’re going to try gambling, where better than Vegas?

It started with a few dollars in the slots, then a few hands of black jack, and then we found the roulette table. It didn’t really seem like gambling, we were given a few chips to play with, and then we bought a few, then a few more, the first hint that all was not well was when we maxed out our cards, but the house let us borrow a bit more, (guaranteed against our kids' inheritance) we won a few (and ignored the fact that we lost a lot more) That was 3 weeks ago. Our cruise ship must have left without us, we never really noticed the passage of time in the casino, it was always lit the same way, day or night. So now here we are, on the top of the Bellagio, what a disappointing way to be leaving Las Vegas.

Gone in 60 Seconds by Carolyn Glass

It was a little embarrassing really, everyone always joked about my “hollow legs” but they were all a bit shocked by the speed at which I demolished that king sized mars bar.

127 Hours by Carolyn Glass

5.29 days, 127 hours, 7620 minutes, 457200 seconds. Now that’s the definition of sad, counting down the seconds till the new Bradley Cooper film is released.

Harsh Times by Carolyn Glass

I’m sorry, Miss Jones, but the only option is redundancy, business is down and we simply have to cut costs, and our biggest expense is salaries. No, I wasn’t aware that you were getting married next month or that you’ve just taken out a hefty mortgage based on your current salary here. 

Well, we all have to make sacrifices, I’ve had to forgo replacing my Jaguar this year, and I’ll have to holiday in Europe rather than my usual 6 weeks in the States this summer. Please stop making a scene, the customers will think there is a problem. Perhaps it would be better if you left now rather than working out your notice, don’t worry, I’ll deduct the rest of the month’s salary from your final pay cheque, don’t let the door hit you on your way out.

The Next Three Days by Carolyn Glass

Only 3 days to go, what could possibly go wrong? Well I’m glad you asked me that. So far, the bride's dress damaged in a mystery dye spill accident (will be discovered by the shop owner tomorrow, shame she had just made her assistant redundant), a number of the guests suffering from suspected food poisoning after the hen night (shouldn’t be too difficult to spike the champagne in the club tonight and then persuade everyone to eat kebabs at 3am), the venue for the nuptials firebombed (tomorrow along with 2 other churches, probably be considered a hate crime with any luck). And if the bride and groom insist on staying cheerful, dealing with each incident calmly? An accidental death, preferably hers, (then I could sweep in and offer consolation and support) but his would be ok at a pinch. He’d regret passing me over one way or another.

Brave by Carolyn Glass

The trick was never to show fear. As a youth he had always been the first to try something new, he was never afraid to wade into a scrap to sort it out. In sport he was always in the thick of it, taking on guys twice his size in tackles. He was a decorated soldier; he had rescued an injured comrade when their vehicle has struck by a missile. He had later been captured and interrogated, they got nothing from him.

None of this had prepared him for today. He was shown into a small consultation room, where a man was reading notes, he looked up and told Max to take a seat. Max thought he could hear his own heart; it was beating so loudly, surely it must be audible to everyone. He was almost paralysed with terror, when he heard the instruction, “just open wide, it won’t hurt a bit.”

Freaky Friday by Carolyn Glass

If I hadn’t overslept, I would never have walked under that ladder while fixing my face, then I would never have trodden on the black cats tail, resulting in my dropping and breaking the mirror. Seven years bad luck, I always laughed at people with Triskaidekaphobia, never again.